“Raising teenagers is like nailing Jello to a tree”.
Today I am frustrated. I am frustrated because I have been left to do this all on my own and it can be exhausting. Most days I have it together but today isn’t one of those days. Today I am pissed off that I have to be a single parent. Pissed off that I have to make all choices on my own and the truth is I just don’t have the energy to fight anymore. I have been raising kids for 26 years already and I am tired.
Why do teenagers have to be such assholes? The oldest two are in their 20’s now and have turned back into normal people who are reasonable but I am onto teenager number three and it’s not easy. Trae and Avory were tough because they wanted to party and not come home but Devon is different. He is going to be 17 in a few weeks and has only gone out to party with friends a handful of times. The problem with him is the mental game. He is extremely intelligent and was actually tested for gifted when he was 10 and was on the scale. I can show you multiple report cards where in the comments the teacher would write, Devon should be a lawyer or a politician. This is because he can get off on a technicality any time. I remember once when he was in grade 6 he was late for class and his teacher said to him, “Devon when you come into class late you disrupt the whole class.” He replied “permission to speak freely.” She said yes. He said “Well actually what happens is I come in quietly and disrupt one or two people and then you say, Devon your disrupting the whole class. Then the whole class looks at me so really you’re the one disrupting the whole class.” This is a simple yet perfect example of what it is like to argue with Devon.
He also has an unbelievable ability to retain information. He can tell you who won every single Stanley cup as well as an unbelievable amount of statistics about the game. He could tell you who the fighters were and who won every Wrestlemania since they began, or who competed and won at multiple UFC events and how they won, what move they used etc. He barely goes to school yet passes everything, including psychology 12 and history 12 (he is in grade 11). He doesn’t watch much TV, unless its hockey or fighting, but he watches an unbelievable amount of documentaries and listens to pod casts about everything.
All of this is part of the problem though. He remembers everything you say word for word and always fights the technicalities and so arguing with him is not fun. The other issue is that he is so passionate about what he wants but won’t put any effort into anything else. He sees things in black and white. He sees no grey and so to get him to see anything from my point of view is very difficult. I have said before that you never have to doubt what Devon thinks because he has probably told you. This was not the greatest trait for him to have as a kid but his dad always felt that as he got older it would help propel him forward in whatever path he chose for himself.
The path he is choosing is to become a UFC Heavy Weight Champion and I truly believe he will be. He is that focused but this also means nothing but fighting matters. His said to me one time, “A backup plan is a plan to fail, and I don’t plan on failing.” From the very first time he set foot on the mat he was hooked and he has been training constantly since that day almost 3 years ago. And he is really talented. I have people approach me on a regular basis to comment on how impressed they are with him. Just a few days ago one of his training partners said to me, “I never thought I would be learning stuff from a kid half my age.”
So what do I do? Do I keep fighting with him on almost a daily basis to go to school or do I pull him out. He has never asked me to quit school, but he also won’t get up in the morning. And let’s be honest high school is a bit of a joke, unless you want to go to post-secondary, which he doesn’t. This semester he is taking cooking, outdoor rec, weight training, a study block and literary studies. Are these classed really worth the day to day arguing about attendance? Is it really worth the stress on me and on him? And if in the end his fighting career doesn’t work out he could go back and get a grade 12 with his eyes closed. It’s really just what society says we should do. Go to school, get a good job, get a pension, and retire. He has never been raised with that mindset so it’s no wonder he doesn’t want to conform to the norm now. Is it? Don’t get me wrong I value education and so did his dad. We both graduated, I went to college and his dad had two journeyman trades by the time he was 23. I have always advocated for the completion of high school I just also taught him to dream big. He has been raised to believe he can do anything and with that I have raised a young man who truly believes that. He doesn’t hope he can make it, he knows he can. So in the big picture how important is a high school diploma right now?
I get advice on how to deal with Devon all the time from people who don’t live with him. The ones who say “I would never put up with that”, or “make him do it”. Seriously? If you really knew him you would know you can’t “make” him do anything. If his mind is made up then that’s it. His dad was the exact same way. If Andy made a choice it was final. Ask anyone who ever worked with or for him. It’s the nature verses nurture and environment argument. He is who he is at his core and I can’t change that. So do I keep up the good fight and keep him in school for the next year and half assuming he graduates on time or do I let him follow his dream knowing he could easily go back in the future?
