I read a quote recently from Richard Wagamese that said, “I’ve come to understand that the pain of a wound or a loss is over as soon as it happens. What follows is the pain of getting well.”
It happens once in a while when you hear or read something and it stops you in your tracks. This was one of those times. I read that quote three or four times, put the book down and spent the next few days thinking deeply about it. So much so, that I am writing this blog after not touching it for over a year.
I have always thought that it was all one continuous pain that began the moment the trauma occurred until we are healed or have found a way to move through it.
When I really sat down and thought about it, it occurred to me that the original pain, whatever it is, was over almost as quickly as it happened. The immediate pain that we get from any trauma, weather it is divorce, drug addiction, abuse, or the loss of a loved one, doesn’t hurt that much in the moment. Our body and mind will normally put us in some state of shock which masks whatever horrible truth we are being dealt. Its instinct to survive and to fight back but once the shock wears off, and the numbness subsides the true pain begins.
People, will so often turn to alcohol and drugs as an attempt to continue to numb themselves. I know I did. After the death of my husband I drank whiskey every day for about four years. I didn’t drink a lot every day, but it was at least one or two at the end of the day to relax myself so I could sleep. There was always a huge rush of relief as I drank that first drink as fast as I could. There is a song by Jason Aldean and the main lyric is “whiskey drowns the memory until the memory drowns the whiskey.” Nothing is truer. At first we experience relief, but eventually it just makes everything worse. When I finally allowed myself to have a clear mind, I had to deal with my pain.
Studies have shown how childhood trauma affects teenagers and adults. Trauma rewires your brain and for those who recognize and understand that can try to set it straight. But unfortunately most don’t have the support necessary. They need a solid support system of people who are teaching them a new way to think so we can try to work through those traumas and the feelings and fears that go along with them.
Physical trauma is basically the same; the immediate pain subsides quickly but the pain of recovery, not so much. How much of the body’s healing is relative to our mind set? I recently read a story about a man who survived a plane crash and was paralyzed from the neck down. His doctors told him he would never walk again. He refused to believe this and would spend his days with his eyes closed imagining all the things he wanted to do. It started with just being able to breathe on his own, and then to move his hands, to feed himself and to eventually walk. Less than a year after his accident he walked out of the hospital. They all called it a miracle; he said it was the power of his mind.
Is this story proof that there is better way to deal with the aftermath of physical trauma? Could our mindset and self-talk make a difference in how our bodies and minds handle it? And what about the placebo effect? Studies have proven just how important mindset is when it comes to the healing and controlling disease.
I have watched family members give constant and consistent energy to their physical ailments. They have a sense of pride about it. They like the attention that goes along with it. So rather than focusing on healing they focus on the sickness itself. With this mindset they never get well. They struggle their whole lives to survive. They become so used to feeling bad they don’t even know what it’s like to feel good.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could all learn to be more in control of our thoughts and the changes that would make in people’s health physically and mentally? I have seen a lot of change in regards to spiritually and mindset. People are really starting to understand that they are in control of so much more then they think. This of course isn’t to say that we can get rid of pain and trauma all together but I do think we can find a better way to deal with it and to support each other through it. We are supposed to be happy, content and pain free. Unfortunately for soo many, they don’t know how good it feels to feel good.
